I'm on a Roll

Dylan's birthday is this Friday and as it creeps closer and closer, I mourn the loss of my baby. My figurative baby. He is a little boy now. Tall and strong. Handsome and funny. I am with him every moment and yet, he still can surprise me. Dylan doesn't talk much, so hearing "Dank You, Mommy" from the tiny little man voice was a complete shocker to me. A wonderful shocker. The boy can hardly ask for juice but here he is, in his sweet little voice, thanking me for it. Everyday he grows bigger and everyday I realize that one day, he'll be embarrassed when I call him my baby. But that's what he'll forever be. My sweet, little baby.

Stay at Home Mom aka CrazyTrain....

I'm just beginning to realize how awful and wonderful being a stay at home mom is. Endless supply of awesome mixed with a very finite supply of cash equals stressed to the max. I love being able to watch my kids grow and evolve. I love hanging out with them and getting endless two year old kisses. I love seeing my baby girl not be much of a baby anymore. Now if only this job came with some sort of guaranteed $200,000,000 paycheck. Then everything would be great. Don't get me wrong. We are doing pretty well for ourselves here. Roof over our heads, food in our bellies, too many ridiculous toys to count. But still, we just need a little more. So now I have driven straight into Crazy town trying to redo our budget and eat Ramen for days and days on end. I have sat up nights furiously writing and erasing numbers. Trying to please everyone from the electric company to our parents. Always trying to be one dollar ahead of the game but inevitably remaining $5 behind. I'm sure that this is temporary. I know that things aren't 100% right now, but they are still at a 95. So while I continue to stress and be crazy about should we keep Netflix or drop it???? I'll also continue to love being able to do that in the place that I love best. With my kids.

Fatty McBoomBoom

I am so tired of being that person. The person that complains about how much they weigh or what their back fat looks like or how many stretch marks they have but does NOTHING about it. I've been half-assedly tracking what I've been eating lately but still haven't exercised or got my big booty off this computer chair. So here is my pledge to my big booty... I pledge to get rid of you by my 27 th birthday. That's right. You are sitting pretty no longer. November 14th is the last day you will be allowed to be giant. My kids deserve a mama who isn't tired and lazy and turns on the TV as entertainment. They deserve a mama who takes them outside and PLAYS. They deserve a mama who doesn't fall down and cry after two flights of stairs. So bye bye big girl. This is it.

A Letter to My Body

A little post on Shape of a Mother lead me to begin blogging again. BlogHer is asking people to blog a letter to their body so here it is.


Dear Body,

You are squishy, stretched-marked and freckled. We are at odds at this moment. I believe that you are too big and unreliable. I ache. Parts of you that weren't supposed to come out have. You have betrayed me. But I am proud. You are strong. You held two babies and grew them to be big and beautiful. You pushed one baby out naturally and one came out surgically from you. But you held them in your protective uterus and made them well. You carry the weight of the family on your broad shoulders (thanks a lot for those football player shoulders!). You help me get through each and every day. Through the screams of the toddler and preschooler, through the unending reading for homework, through the bill paying, through the laundry doing, through the dish washing, through the loving of my husband; you carry me through. I may not love what you look like to the rest of the world, but, imperfect as you are, you are strong. For now on, I promise to treat you as you have treated me. I will be strong for you. I will be healthier for you. We need it. So body, even though you are I are not the best friends in the world on most days, thank you. Thank you for everything.

Me